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Kari-Lea
posted by Kari-Lea at 10:00 PM
2 Comments:
Dear Death to Kari-Lea Show,
Thanks for watching! Although we had no plans for a show based on the elements and functions of grammar, your cry for help has not gone unnoticed. And rest assured, DTKS, you are not alone. Thank you for your courage in addressing an issue that so many people are afraid to confront!
Just this morning I met with producers and we planned a show to be aired in the next couple weeks. Keep an eye out for Show #3.2.16- "Getting to Know Grammatical Woe."
Although this show is forthcoming, I would like to take this opportunity to aid you in the small ways that I can.
In your comment you state, "your show detests me." Although this is an interesting and clever use of personification, I do not believe that The Kari-Lea Show detests any of its viewers! In fact, I believe that The Kari-Lea Show loves and admires its viewers! Rest assured DTKS--THE KARI-LEA SHOW LOVES YOU!
In terms of grammatical functions, I would like to address one statement that you made, in particular:
"If I see you in the street I will have nothing more then to crush all your rubber duckies!!"
This is a passionate statement, DTKS! Well Done! There are, however, some flaws in the syntax. The statement may read better as:
"If I see you in the street, I will love nothing more than to crush all your rubber duckies!!"
The comma following "street" is necessary because it separates the introductory subordinate clause from the following principal clause. The use of the verb "love" is a more descriptive choice than the copular verb, "have," which you employed. Furthermore, I believe that you intended to use "than" instead of "then" since you are actually speaking in terms of degree. I am sure that this was just a typo though--you probably knew that! Lastly, the presentation of an "if" clause is somewhat complicated by the verb of the principal clause, "will." This verb suggets that action will be definite, but it is based on a clause that suggests uncertainty. Perhaps "would" would be a better choice, but that may not work within the current tense of the statement. I'd best leave it up to you, since you are the author.
Well DTKS, I hope that this message will help you in your plight! We at The Kari-Lea Show are dedicated to servicing our fans through education as well as entertainment!
Thanks again for your comments and your commitment to helping us to provide our fans with meaningful shows!
Sincerely Yours,
Kari-Lea Wiche
The Kari-Lea Show
10:59 AM
Dear Death to K-L Show,
Thank you for that fine, long letter [YOU ARE MOST WELCOME DEAR FRIEND AND FAN]. You have assured me that you have NO LIFE!! [I HAVE REMOVED SOME COMMENTS--THERE IS NO NEED FOR VULGARITY HERE! IT'S A FAMILY SHOW]. Maybe you should have a show consisting of you quitting because I am sick of hearing that annoying ringing you call a voice [AN INTERESTING SENTENCE HERE! COMPLEX AND PASSIONATE, YOU EXPRESS YOURSELF WELL. ALTHOUGH THE USE OF COMMAS WAS EXCESSIVE, THE GENERAL SYNTAX IS DELIGHTFUL. I WILL CONSIDER YOUR SUGGESTION FOR A KARI-LEA REALITY SHOW. THANKS FOR THE INPUT!]!! Okay, so now that you know I could care less about my grammatical skills because I HAVE A LIFE, maybe you could take all the time you have with your pathetic little life and correct this for me [CONSIDER IT DONE!]!! Having said that, I can see you correcting it perfectly and posting it in the future...NO LIFE [WE AT THE KARI-LEA SHOW ARE DEDICATED TO OUR FANS, THAT IS FOR SURE!]!!! Maybe a little Elton will do you good [A LITTLE ELTON COULD DO EVERYONE GOOD. WE'LL LET YOU KNOW THE NEXT TIME THAT HE'S ON THE SHOW!]!!!
Grammatically Yours,
Kari-Lea Wiché
The Kari-Lea Show
5:48 PM
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